Sometimes only one of you wants to try divorce mediation. Here’s how to convince your partner to give it a try.

 Explain the benefits

  1. Be heard and understood

Mediation gives each person the opportunity to have their views heard and understood and allows both of you to work together to come up with an agreement that works.

  1. Save money

If you are struggling to communicate directly, mediation will be a cheaper route for you than lawyers and will do less damage to your communication.

  1. Children come first

If you have children, it will support you to build a new parental alliance, which is the very best thing you can do for your children.

What’s not to like?

So, why do some people resist mediation?

Often it is because they aren’t asked in the right way. Mediation can be presented as a last resort or even as a kind of threat. It is often thrown at an ex at the end of a row almost as proof that they are impossible to talk to.

How to get started…

Follow these easy steps as a better way to get your ex on board:

TIME – Choose the best time to ask. Ask when you are both calm. If you’ve recently had a row or reached deadlock, let things calm down a bit and then ask.

MINDSET – Choose your mindset as you ask. You might feel angry, frustrated and helpless but these are not positive emotions to channel when asking a difficult question. Choosing to be calm, open or understanding is more likely to help the conversation.

MOTIVATE – Explain why it is important to both of you that you are able to discuss the issues. For example, you might say something like: “We both love our son/daughter and want the very best for them. I want to work with a mediator so that I can listen and understand your views, and you can listen and understand mine. Then we can both work together to agree the best arrangements for our son/daughter.”

ASK – The first stage in the mediation process is for each of you to meet the mediator alone. During this meeting, you both get a chance to find out more about mediation, and also to tell the mediator your point of view. After this meeting, each of you decides if you want to proceed to a joint meeting.

 So the first stage is simply to ask your ex if they would attend a meeting on their own with the mediator to find out more.

Try something gentle like: “Would you be willing to meet a mediator, initially on your own, to see if you think it might help?”

Or say: “I’ve had a local mediator recommended, may I ask her to contact you?”

If you can’t get your ex to agree, you can still attend a one-to-one meeting with a mediator to help you work out your next steps. You can also ask the mediator to invite your ex into mediation.

Mediation is voluntary and so you can only ask - you cannot force another person to mediate. But how someone is asked has a great influence on whether they are likely to engage.

To find out more about how I can help you, and to book a confidential one-to-one meeting, call 07706 513496 or email





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