Loss -when the relationship ends

How to cope with the loss of a relationship

This week we’re very lucky to have a guest article written for us by Susan Trussell, a warm and experienced BACP Accredited counsellor who has considerable experience working with children and young people. She also works with parents who are struggling with divorce or separation and related issues, such as adjusting to new step-families, and access to parents and grandparents. She works in Banbury and Deddington.

In this article, Susan talks us through how to come to terms with loss when a relationship ends, and how counselling can help. Mediation tends to focus on the practical arrangements for your children and your finances. For more information about how mediation works, click here. Counselling serves a different purpose and can help you to heal and move forward with your life.

Loss – When the Relationship Ends 

The loss of a relationship is one of the most difficult things that we may have to come to terms with, because it isn’t just the loss of a partner. It’s also the loss of a planned future together and having to cope with the changes in relationships with friends and family, many of whom may take sides.  Add into this the financial and practical issues that have to be dealt with, and it isn’t surprising that many people cope by staying in denial, hoping that the other will return, whilst being angry at the ‘unfairness’ of it all.

The person who has had least control over the ending may find themselves unable to accept the that it is really over. They watch the solicitors’ letters building up unanswered, or fire back defensively, perhaps hoping that the other will see the pain that they are putting them through.

When all efforts at convincing their former partner to return have failed, and the reality is that the relationship really is over, it can lead to depression, a time of feeling low and unable to join in everyday life as they would have done in the past.

But with time, people come to accept their loss and no longer feel the need to relive the events. It is an ending and, as with all endings, a new beginning. It is often a time to rediscover the person that they are and move on.

This is a process that can, and often does, get stuck at any stage and people find it helpful to have someone to talk things through with. A trusted friend or a counsellor can help people to reflect on the past and look at how the future could look. Having someone alongside them to listen with compassion and understanding, and help unravel the emotional turmoil can help make sense of what happened and start to heal the hurt.


If you are going through a difficult break up and need someone to talk to, call Susan on 07738 546667 to arrange an appointment.


If you are interested in finding out more about mediation, contact Polly on 0770 6513496.